There is a close relationship between how you were educated and who you are current
Psychology and sexology are beginning to understand the close relationship that exists between adult sexual relationships and all the baggage we bring from childhood: our culture, the way we educate ourselves, the openness to sexuality, social relationships … Such how we were raised is how we make love, some would say. Today we talk about the relationship between sex and parenting.
Some people are pleasantly surprised when they come with fear to the psychological office with a specialist in sexology and realize that the therapy is not just about tips to improve the sexual experience, but a complete review of the way they understand sex and they relate to your sexuality. They are even more surprised when they go deeper into therapy and realize that many sexual attitudes or physical feelings are completely related to the way they were raised.
Some of the most important aspects that have to do with how we deal with our sexuality and what we learned in parenting are these.
How they loved us
The way we were loved and loved during our childhood, mainly by our parents, directly influences how we live interpersonal relationships and our sexual relationships.
For example, the daughters of absent fathers usually have to face problems in their relationship, both effective and sexual, such as guilt or lack of self-esteem at the time of ‘undressing’ (physically and emotionally) before the beloved in a Such an intimate moment as making love.
A person who felt loved in his childhood may not have problems accepting that his partner loves her, but a person who was only loved under conditions (get good grades, help at home, behave well, dress well) could have acceptance problems in the field of love that will directly affect their sexual relationships. For example, that person may tend to focus only on the sexual needs of their partner, leaving aside their own pleasure.
How we talk about sexuality
While before sex was a taboo subject in most families, often related to guilt, frustration or ‘impure’, today the tendency is to talk more about sex with young people, but mainly about issues such as sexual risks, forgetting that sexual health also has to do with self-acceptance, self-esteem, affection, satisfaction or intimacy.
Several studies affirm that we are facing a sexual gap between men and women, where young women are having more problems to reach orgasms and enjoy their sexual relations. ‘Do not forget to use a condom’, ‘be careful with STD’, ‘if you have sex without a condom you can get pregnant’, are the typical phrases of parents and adults towards their children, usually with a reprimanding tone, as if they were to do ‘something bad’.
And although these conversations about sexual safety are absolutely necessary, what about the deep meaning of sex? We often miss when we hear the news as sexual practices between young people totally disconnected with the idea of emotional intimacy and sexuality, as in the case of the game of sexual roulette.
But we do not stop to think if at some point we showed our children or showed us in our childhood that love has to do with sex and with certain sexual manifestations that can naturalize and be seen by the little ones, like kisses, hugs, and caresses outside the sexual intimacy of a couple.
In fact, most professionals in psychology and sexology agree that children should learn about sexuality from an early age. Many point to four years as the best age to start talking about sexuality with children and begin to address issues such as love, the feeling of closeness, fear of rejection, the way they feel physically and how they develop. and they grow.
The sex we learn in the media
The complete lack of sexual education is replaced in most cases by what we learn in other contexts, such as the media. Stereotyped movies, macho scenes and ‘bad’ pornography teach us that sex is a very different thing from what it can be in reality.
Thus, men and women face the bed as if it were a marathon of postures and attitudes of what sex is supposed to be, thinking that they are doing what is expected of them and what the other wants them to do. An erroneous learning of what a sexual relationship can mean, which in most cases translates into sexual dissatisfaction in both partners.
Fortunately, eroticism in the media and pornography itself is beginning to understand that society needs a change in its vision of sex if it wants to enjoy it completely. Therefore, today we find good films about sexuality and erotic books and about very interesting sexuality that help to change all the concepts badly learned in our childhood. Even some porn sites for women are revolutionizing the erotic industry by providing a feminine look that seduces both women and men.